...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
