He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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