I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Panties = found
Randomize
