it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
