dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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