Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
