i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
