All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
