I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
