Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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