you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
