If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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