fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
