based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
