I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
