We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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