So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
