A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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