My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
