I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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