I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
