The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize