once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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