quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
