I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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