can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
