you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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