Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years