Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.