I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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