Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
