I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
