Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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