i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My vagina just clenched in fear
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
