If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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