my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
