I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
