if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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