sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
