No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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