i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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