I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
