It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
