It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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