And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
