I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
