Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
