I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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