Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
