The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
