We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
