Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
