does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
