On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
from now on my penis is your penis
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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