you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have tasted many bathrooms
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
