i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
