I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
