Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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