She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
