i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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