FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
