she woke up with a sticky ear
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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