This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
