"it" just moved
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am