Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
