just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.