so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
