i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.