how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
