I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
